No Gift Guides this week, as I'm in a deep funk, trying to accept a recent family tragedy.
I have nothing to say about it, but I keep trying to make it real by saying it over and over, in my head, to my friends. I'm moving in a haze.
It leaves me incredulous; I almost wrote nothing about it; however, this is my place for creativity and exploring its effects on my life and how it is affected by my life.
What I occured to me this week, the reason I even write now is that I need to be; when I feel something real and true, I should write it down, right then. Last Sunday, Jay and I had a beautiful, long, refreshing talk while we drove home after Thanksgiving. He's coming into his own concept of creativity and what it means in his life. For the first time since childhood he has the confidence to pursue what he really wants, which neither of us was even aware of. I was in such a glow of discovery and open-ness and truth. I should have written it all down that night, should have captured that truth we discovered together. Instead I put it off and by Tuesday a tragedy overshadowed our joy and today all that discovery seems...out-of-place and unreachable from here. Lesson learned.
Both inspiration and desperation only last for a time and I feel that to be authentically creating, I must capture them both as they occur.